A movie clip that I made up

Twirling specks of snow fall of the hood of the old truck. Sitting in the drive way of a now abandoned house the truck waits, full of boxes. Inside a shivering girl lay covered in layers of blankets. Hands curling, she tries to get them warm. The door opens and a man, head and shoulders dusted with snow, climbs in and sighs “you know you could have started the car, its freezing in here.”
“I couldn’t reach the pedals, plus the heater doesn’t work anyways,” the girl says while sitting up.
The man starts the truck and pulls out of the drive way, engine creaking as they went. Leaving their old lives behind the man and girl look for a new one.


3 thoughts on “A movie clip that I made up

  1. I loved the line “Hands curling, she tries to get warm”. I could easily recall that feeling of chilly fingers. It really helped me to connect to the girl. I also thought this was an interesting scene choice; I want to keep reading! In fact, that’s probably my only criticism, is that I want more information! More detail! More everything! Great job 🙂


  2. It seems a bit morose and hopeful at the same time, what with them leaving their lives behind, but going to start a new one. Being cold is always miserable, and doubly so when you have to leave your home behind. Is there any story behind this? Well done on cold imagery. Sometimes the sentences feel a bit abrupt. But I do like it. I do.


  3. I really enjoyed this piece. I like the mystery with the end of this piece. It leaves you wanting more. And that’s exactly how I feel. I have nothing bad to say about this, except give me more. I want to read the rest of this piece. It felt like I was actually watching a television show though. This piece was so well put together that I was seeing it as if it was actually a clip I saw. Amazing job!!


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